Identity MadAuthor: killedmyhopes Rating:
NC-17 for heterosexual and homosexual sexPairings:
Ryan Ross/Brendon Urie, Sarah Orzechowski/Brendon Urie, Spencer Smith/Jon WalkerPOV:
Ryan takes the wrong pills for his insomnia and wakes up in an interesting spot.Disclaimer:
I don't own Ryan, Brendon, Sarah, Spencer, or Jon. I don't even own Uncle Chadwick (Chadwick = Chad Smith, joke from the RHCP fandom), sadly. Didn't happen, don't sure me.Author Notes:
A thousand thank yous to dudethatssanti
for the beta'ing. Also posted on my deviantart
I stared at the number. Of course I'd never deleted it from my address book. I just couldn't. But whenever I tried to call it, I just froze up. It was like that single name and number was untouchable. My thumb seemed unable to press any buttons when I saw the name. A name I'd known for almost all my life and had said at least five billion times (at least), although over the past year the annual millions have been reduced to maybe ten or fifteen at the most when people asked about him in interviews or just every day conversations, the name that I really didn't need to have his number in my phone since I had it memorized better than my social security number.Spencer Smith
I knew this was the worst reason to call him. I owed him so much more than this. I can't say I didn't regret what I did at all because I basically destroyed our friendship, which had lasted just a couple years short of two decades. I couldn't believe what I was about to do. With his name selected, I pressed the call button. Slowly, I brought my phone up to my ear to hear the ringing of the other line.Quick, you can just hang up now! It's been two rings, he hasn't answered, just hang up!
the voice in the back of my head was screaming.
No. I was going to do this, even if it would make me look like a huge dick when Spencer realized the reason why I called him. Maybe I'd just wait a little bit until I brought it up. After all, I wasn't opposed to catching up with him. Really, I'd kill to talk to him like I used to, but my pride wouldn't let me call him casually ever since Jon and I left.
There was one more ring before Spencer finally picked up. "Ryan?" he answered, some shock easy to hear in his voice.
I moved my lips, but no words came out.
I still tried to form words, but I felt like my tongue had been cut out of my mouth.
"Hello? Is anyone there? Look, this is a very funny call if you're trying to prank me or something, but I don't have the time for this--"
"Hi," I finally forced out.
Spencer paused. "Oh, hi."
"Hi," I repeated, not sure what else to say. "So, er, what's up, man?"
Another pause. "Not much... What's been up with you?"
I shrugged, even though he couldn't see that. "Oh, just same old, you know. Um... How's everyone doing?"
Biting my lip, I replied, "You know, everyone... Your parents and sisters and, er, all the guys at the label and stuff." You know, Brendon Boyd Urie.
"Oh, well, everyone's really doing fine, I suppose..." Silence. "Was there something specific you called about, Ryan?"
Dammit. "Kind of."
"What?" Spencer asked.
I pushed my hair back behind my ear. I knew it seemed girly to do, but my hair was long enough to do it now, so it had become a nervous habit. "I just wanted to see how, um, certain people--"
"You want to know about Brendon." It wasn't a question; Spencer said it as a statement. He might as well have been telling me that the sky was blue or that plants were most often some shade of green. I was just that predictable to him, apparently.
"Well, that's part of it," I admitted in a small voice.
"You really hurt him, you know."
"I know." It'd be a lie to say I didn't get pissed when people talked like that. That I
. Maybe I kinda sort of ended it when Jon and I started ignoring the guys, but it's not like he hadn't been helping build up to the break up. I just had the guts to finally stop it. I didn't think I'd start obsessing over it a year or so later to the point where I had to break my silence to harass my old best friend for facts about that little fucker. That breathtaking, adorable, little fuck.
"What exactly did you want to know, anyways?" questioned my old bandmate.
"I don't know. Just... How has he been since... everything?"
Spencer sighed. "He wasn't doing very well the first few months or eight, but he's moved on now."
"You don't know about Sarah, do you?"
I shook my head, then remembered I was on the phone. "No."
"Oh, er... That's Brendon's new girlfriend."
This may sound cliched and over dramatic, but my heart split into two when I heard the word "girlfriend" in the same sentence as "Brendon." Brendon really was dating someone else? He already replaced me?
"Ryan? You still there?" Spencer called out after I didn't respond.
"Yeah... I, I think I have to go. Um, Andy's here and, yeah." Of course, Andy wasn't there, but Spencer couldn't see that over the phone. I'd just have to hope my lie was good enough.
"Okay, well, bye then."
"Tell, um. Tell Jon I said hi."
I rolled my eyes, but tried to sound alright about that. "I will. Bye."
I closed the cell phone, leaning back against the counter in my kitchen. What, had I really expected he wouldn't have moved on? That he would be crying for more than year and a half after the breakup? Was I so pathetic that I thought he wouldn't be dating someone new? The kid wasn't some old China ; he knew how to bring himself back together. I was an imbecile for ever thinking otherwise. Brendon didn't need me anymore. In fact, he probably never did in the first place, so whoever was running this world was playing a really fucking cruel trick on me since now I needed him.
Completely giving up on a good eight hours of sleep, I sat up on the mattress. I never was good at winning fights against insomnia, but this was just ridiculous. Sighing, I sat up and walked out of my room and into the kitchen, getting a glass of water and filling it up under the faucet. I took a few sips, hopping up on the counter afterward, looking down at the half empty glass. This was crazy. I usually didn't have this for five days in a row. Usually, by the third day or so I went without enough sleep that I just passed out for at least a few hours. I was gonna have to get sleeping pills or some sort of nighttime cold medicine. After a few minutes of just staring down at the water, I took another sip. I wasn't that thirsty, really. The water was more comforting than anything, which I guess was a bit sad. Whatever, no one was there to shake their head at me or giggle at how "silly" I was. Alright, maybe that last one was kind of directed at one person in particular. But just kind of.
Okay, not kind of.
Maybe the insomnia was also sort of due to him. It wasn't just all this girlfriend shit, though. Of course it wasn't. It was just... I felt like I was suffering from withdrawals or something. Yeah, it was pretty belated, but the feeling was there nonetheless.
All of this made me want to punch myself. Why didn't I care at all two months ago, or about a year ago? Jesus Christ, what the hell was wrong with me? Why did I not care about him for so long? How could I not? How could I forget the last time I saw him and how terrified he looked at me calling it quits? How come my rant about how dumb I was turned into me missing him more like the pitiful idiot I am?
I quickly hopped off the counter, leaving the glass there, not even bothering to put it in the sink or anything. I needed to get to sleep somehow. There had to be pills somewhere, or old nighttime allergy medications. If not, well, there was Walgreens right down the street! Aren't they supposed to be open 24/7 or something like that? I mean, it was still just... Well, it was one in the morning now, but that didn't mean they shouldn't be open. This was the time that people really need sleeping pills, after all. I nearly dashed into the bathroom, opening the cupboard and searching through all the various pills and bottles. Damn, I never realized how much show makeup I had brought home until now. It was all getting in my fucking way. Hastily, I began just knocking the stuff out of there. Being this wound up probably wasn't a good idea when I needed to sleep. I found a few allergy medications, but while I was reading one of the boxes, something in the back of the cupboard caught my eye. I pulled it out.
It was a black box. Unlike most of the pillboxes, it was shaped in a seemingly perfect square. Also, unlike others, there didn't seem to be any directions or warnings on the box. No, every side except the top and bottom merely said in red, cursive lettering: "Uncle Chadwick's Miracle Sleeping Pills!" When I looked more at the words, I saw in small lettering underneath the name, "Get the best sleep you've had in all your life and wake up the person you want to be!" I only stared more at the odd box. Where exactly had I gotten this? Must have been one of those weird fan gifts we used to find amusing. I looked all over the box, trying to see if there was an expiration date. Surely this had expired by now. Just as I thought of that, words appeared on the bottom where I could have sworn a second ago it was just plain black. The words said, "Our fantastic pills will never expire! Good to use at any time, any temperature, anywhere!"
Oh, what the hell. What's the worst that could happen? Worst was it was some weird form of LSD or something along those lines. I opened up the top, pulling out a few of the package pills. The inside of the lid read, "Take two. No more or less." So, going back into the kitchen to retrieve the cup I had left, I took two. No more or less. I could feel it start to kick in immediately, which was odd for a pill. Was it even really in my system yet? Whatever, all that mattered now was that I was finally going to be able to sleep. In fact, I didn't even make it to the bed in time. The pills set in so fast I actually fell down onto my bedroom floor, passing out on the carpet.
The oddest part about falling asleep on the carpet is the fact that somehow, the next morning, I was in a bed. Yet, it didn't feel like my
bed. The mattress was much too comfortable and the blankets weren't quite as thick as those on my bed. The strangest part of all of it, though, was the fact there were arms wrapped around me. Nice, warm, familiar arms. Though... I felt so tiny in them. In fact, I felt smaller in general. Not skinnier, actually, if anything I was larger in that respect, but even my fingers felt shorter. I almost wanted to confirm my thoughts by opening my eyes, but I didn't want to wake up. The arms around me would probably go away, and they felt too good to give up just yet. This was probably still a dream, anyways. That's why my size felt odd. Just a nice, peculiar dream.
The owner of the hands must not have been asleep because I felt one of them starting to run up and down my side gently, tracing my curves. Wait, what?
Curves? I didn't have curves. No man has curves. Okay, this dream was really getting freaky.
The hands eventually stopped a little while later, the owner just holding my back closely into his chest, his head nuzzling into the crook of my neck. It felt too real, and it was wonderful. I loved these pills. I was never going to wake up again. This dream was better than anything the real world had to offer, anyways. I guess that box really didn't lie.
Lips pressed onto my cheek gently, and I couldn't help but let out a soft sigh. But that wasn't my voice sighing. It was too high-pitched and... feminine. Not even close to my usual tone. I don't know how I felt about this dream now.
"Are you awake, sweetie?" a voice whispered in my ear.
That was it. I was never taking these pills again.
I opened my eyes. This dream had to end here. I still felt the arms around me when my eyes opened. Shit.
Quickly, I squirmed out of his arms and bolted off the bed, just staring at him. My shock almost melted away when I looked at him. He looked... really good. Maybe that was just because I hadn't seen him in forever, but it still stuck out. Seeing him now, even with that confused look on his face could almost erase my last image of him. Almost.
"Sarah? What's wrong? Are you okay?"
I dashed out of the room. I didn't recognize this building very well, but eventually I found the bathroom. When I got in, I couldn't believe who was looking back at me in the mirror. She had very short black hair and blue eyes, nearly the total opposite of the longish brown hair and brown eyes that I owned. As for actual features of her face... She was really pretty, with large eyes, fair lips, a normal nose that wasn't too big or too small. And breasts. I couldn't exactly ignore those things that were juggling around everywhere when I had dashed around. They were so weird. How the hell did chicks get used to these things hanging around under their nose all the time? Damn...
"Sarah? A-are you okay?" Brendon asked from the doorway, peeking his head in at me. He honestly thought I was his girlfriend, didn't he?
I shook my head. "This isn't right," I muttered, looking down at my chest and cupping the breasts with my hands.
Brendon kept staring, his eyebrows raising slightly. "Are you sick or something? I think maybe you should go rest some more..."
"Those fucking pills. I shouldn't have taken them. Th-this... This is insane. I have to do something," I continued muttering.
"What the hell are you talking about? Did you have some weird dream or something? Really, here, let's just go back to the bedroom," Brendon told me, tugging on my arm. I didn't protest. Surely, this couldn't possibly be real. I'd just be waking up soon. I'd just have to wait a little while longer. Yeah, that was it, just those weird pills getting to me. Maybe there was some sort of drug mixed with it.
The dream continued for much too long. It had to be a decent three hours or so that I kept laying there, Brendon's arms around me as he turned on some random show on the television in his bedroom. He seemed truly convinced that I was sick. Eventually, around about noon , he couldn't really take it much longer and went to get us some breakfast (which at this point was lunch, but oh well). I didn't understand why this dream was taking so long to end. Those pills must have been really strong. I'd probably be sleeping for ten hours or so.
Maybe they weren't sleeping pills...
No, it was just crazy for me to think that. Maybe I didn't exactly remember how I got them, that didn't make them some sort of odd, magical objects. There was no way in hell I had actually turned into Brendon's girlfriend. Right? I mean, because if I was, that means no one would be me and Sarah's actual self would just be God knows where. Unless we switched bodies, but that kind of weird shit only happened in movies. I wasn't dumb enough to think that would actual happen in real life.
It wasn't long until Brendon returned, carefully trying to hold two bowls of cereal without milk or fruit loops spilling onto the carpet. I couldn't help but giggle at it, especially since he held two spoons in between his teeth for us. After hearing me giggle, he smiled around the spoons, handing me one of the bowls when he was close enough. "Thank you," I murmured, grinning and taking the cereal from him.
He shrugged, sitting down beside me on the bed slowly as to make sure not to let a single drop of milk tough the mattress. When he sat down, he removed the spoons from his mouth and handed me one of them. I snorted, taking the spoon and starting to eat the cereal. I had been pretty hungry while was waiting, which was really unusual considering I rarely was hungry in my dreams.
Just as the singer was about to take a bite of the colorful circles on his spoon, a doorbell rang. He sighed, setting the bowl down on one of the bedside tables before getting off the bed and walking out the door. Curious, I placed my breakfast on the table opposite to Brendon's and followed him to the door. I was just in view of the entrance when Brendon opened the door, looking shocked by whoever he saw on the other side.
"Oh my God, Brendon!" the person cried out, wrapping their arms around him. Wait a minute, that wasn't just any person crying out and embracing him. I rushed closer to see the stranger better. Fuck. Of course. It was me.
Well, not really me, since I was me, but it was my body
. "What the hell are you doing?!" I cried out at him. This person was fucking with my dream. I was Sarah; that meant I got the rights to Brendon. If Ryan Ross couldn't have him when I was Ryan, then whoever was in there couldn't have him now.
Brendon hesitated before breaking the hold by pushing the other away. "Ryan, what are you doing here?"
"Brendon, it's me, S--" the person stopped when he looked at me. Great, it was Sarah in there, wasn't it?
"Ryan, can you just tell me what you're doing here exactly?" Brendon asked, again.
Sarah put her-- my--- well, his
hands on Brendon's shoulders. "Brendon, that... Whoever that is, that's not Sarah."
Brendon pushed him away again. "What the hell are you talking about? You've never even met Sarah before in your life. How do you even know her name?"
"This isn't Ryan! I'm not Ryan! I'm Sarah!"
Brendon froze. I began to panic about whether or not he would actually believe her. "Brendon, I..." I whispered to him before changing my mind on what I would say. Fuck it, I wasn't going to let this go already. I wasn't going back to Ryan just yet. "I have no idea what he's talking about. He must just have whatever bug I had this morning, you know. There's no doubt that he's out of it if he's not making this stuff up. Must be some weird flu going around."
Brendon appeared to believe me because when he turned to Sarah, he said, "Ryan, I don't know what your problem is, but I think you should just go home, alright?"
"Brendon, please," Sarah pleaded.
Brendon bit his lip. Would he actually listen to my voice beg, or was that just because he might actually think that we had actually swapped bodies due to enchanted sleeping pills?
"Just go," he commanded, shoving my body out of the house and closing the door.
"You seem much better today," Brendon commented as he entered the kitchen.
I chuckled softly. "Yeah, I think whatever it was has passed. I'm feeling much
better today. Now, what do you want for breakfast?"
Brendon smiled. "I'm so glad it passed quickly, and I can make breakfast today. You always cook."Well, not really
. I shook off that thought. I had to play the part now. Sarah popping up yesterday was bad enough to almost ruin this. God knows what damage would be left when I finally switched back. If I ever switched back
maybe after a few weeks or months or so. "Well, I want to cook. Do we have pancake mix or something?" I really didn't know how to cook much else, so I silently prayed that he'd say yes. I wasn't exactly the chef type.
He nodded, smiling. "Will you mix in chocolate chips?" he asked, his eyes shining at the thought of something sugary. Fuck, I had missed him so much.
"Of course I will," I answered. I felt a little odd looking for the pancake mix, considering I had no idea where anything was. He stared at me oddly when I accidentally opened the cabinet full of plates while looking for the pancake mix. Eventually, I found everything I need and began stirring the water, mix, and chocolate chips together in a bowl. To avoid making Brendon suspicious when I didn't know where everything else was, I asked, "Can you get the griddle and spatula for me, please?" He nodded and got them out as I continued to stir the ingredients together.
It wasn't long until Brendon had set the table and I brought a plate full of chocolate chip pancakes over to where he was sitting and waiting for me.
"Thanks, baby," Brendon mumbled happily through a mouthful of pancake.
I snorted, rolling my eyes at him, which made him pause for a second.
"What?" I asked.
He shook his head. "Nothing, just reminds me of something... But hey, breakfast tastes great!"
"Aw, thank you. I'm glad you like it," I replied, taking a few bites myself. "So, what do you want to do today? Do you have anything going on?"
Brendon shook his head. "We should have a movie night. Any ideas on what you want to watch?"
I shrugged. "Whatever you want, Brendon. Just pick out a bunch of random ones after we're done eating."
"Alrighty then," he agreed, noticeably eating faster. I couldn't help but snort again, which made him hesitate once more.
When we were all done with the pancakes and had cleaned up the table, Brendon joyfully made his way into the room which contained the television set and all the movies he and Sarah owned. As I walked into the room, he began searching through the DVDs. He paused when he pulled one out.
"Is that the one you want to watch?"
He shrugged. "It's just... I dunno. I just haven't seen it in a while, I guess," he muttered quietly, placing the DVD on the ground. I felt butterflies enter my chest when I saw what it was. Aladdin. Of fucking course.
"Oh, I haven't seen that in a while, either. We can watch it if you want," I suggested, trying not to sound too excited or anything about it. He would notice if I was begging him to put it in the player.
"Okay then," Brendon murmured, turning the DVD player on and placing the disc in. I sat down on the couch, and only a few seconds later he was beside me, pulling me into his lap as he fast-forwarded through previews. I beamed as the movie finally started, remembering the last time I'd seen this movie. It had been... a while actually. I think I had watched it once after I broke up with Brendon, but I couldn't really enjoy it much since anything Disney reminded me of him.
There was a good forty-five minutes before Brendon finally lost it. "I... I can't do this," he sighed, turning off the DVD player.
Of course, I knew a bit of what was going on, but I had to play dumb. "What's wrong?"
"It's... I can't watch it. It makes me think of... Someone," he explained. "Let's watch something else. Go pick out something else."
I shook my head. "No, you tell me what's up first. I won't pick until you speak."
Brendon grimaced. "You don't play fair."
"Please? I won't judge or anything."
He sighed. "Fine, it's just... I can't really stop thinking about one of... my exes. Don't get mad or anything, I'm totally happy with us but... It's just hard to get this certain person out of my head. I had them out for a while but..."
"You're talking about Ryan. I'm not an idiot," I told him, trying not to smile. Why did I enjoy it so much? I wasn't even Ryan anymore, but the fact that I was on his mind just made me feel almost contented.
"I can't stop thinking about him. Especially with how he just popped up and started saying random, just weird shit," Brendon continued, staring off into space as he spoke. "I don't understand why he would talk like that. It doesn't make any sense, you know? It's just too odd."
I nodded. "It was probably just that flu."
"I hope so."
I was surprised at how long I was able to keep this up. It had been a full week and Brendon still thought I was his real girlfriend. Of course, there had been some slip ups, like whenever one of Sarah's friends called her or how I kept forgetting her dog's name, but Brendon didn't seem to pay too much attention to that. The only thing that was wrong was I had no idea what Sarah was doing to me. I'd probably have to undo so much stuff. She must have missed loads of band practice, too. This would be impossible to explain to the guys. I'd have to come up with some sort of excuse for not showing up and never calling (hopefully she wouldn't answer my phone, either). Despite the worrying about my real self, I was having a lot of fun being a girl, especially Brendon's girl. I forgot how fun and loving he was all the time, and how he would randomly pop up things to do. Like going out to eat and then pinning me up against the wall of his living room when we got home, attacking my lips playfully with his own.
I giggled at the suddenness. "Mind in the gutter?"
"You could say that," he replied before nibbling on my bottom lip.
I chuckled softly again, but only for a second before I began to kiss him back. Had he really been the last person I kissed? The only person I'd kissed for a few good years? Well, it's not that I couldn't see why. Brendon had the best lips of any person I'd ever met. Hell, anyone that ever lived. I couldn't believe that anyone's lips could be better than his, in all honesty. After having enough fun nibbling and simply just pressing against my lips, he finally started running his tongue in between them, begging entrance exactly like he used to when we were dating. Out of instinct, my lips parted for him. He snaked his arms around my waist as he entered my mouth, starting to guide me blindly around the house and through the halls. I was amazed at how he'd found the way to his room so easily. He probably did this many times before... But I didn't want to think about it. Right now it was all about Brendon and me, not the real Sarah. She had her time with him.
He sat down on the edge of the bed, pulling me down onto his lap. Smiling, I wrapped my arms around his neck, kissing his forehead gently before kissing his nose, then coming back down to his perfect lips. He smiled back at me into the kiss, not waiting much for any approval for entrance, especially since my mouth was already slightly parted for him. I started sucking on his tongue gently, moving mine gently with his. I felt his arms tighten around me as I did this. "Brendon," I sighed, realizing exactly what was going on. Was I really going to have sex with Brendon in his girlfriend's body? Well, yeah. It wasn't like I could really do a whole lot about it now, after all. It was too late to go back now.
He ran his fingers gently towards the small of my back, and I couldn't help but break the kiss to giggle at this. That must have been one of my ticklish spots than Brendon obvious knew about, due to his evil grin. He kept running his fingertips around the area, making me giggle more as he nibbled on my earlobe lightly. "You're so beautiful," he whispered.
I couldn't help but feel a bit of pain at that. I
wasn't the one he was calling beautiful. It was her. All these things he was doing to me weren't meant for me. But just because all of this was stolen didn't mean I would give it up just yet. Especially not when I started to feel him tugging on my shirt. I took in a slow breath as his hands moved under my shirt and made their way up my back before moving back down to start to pull the clothing up and off. I moved my arms up to make this action easier for him. He pressed a kiss onto the top of my breast that wasn't within the bra. It was weird how I'd gotten used to those things jiggling around all the time. They weren't so bad after all, especially not now with Brendon moving his hands around to start to attempt to undo the clasp. I could tell it was a little hard for him to do that still, since it was a few long moments until the thing eventually came off. When it was gone, I saw his eyes go down to my chest before he lifted me up and tossed me down on the bed. He pulled off his own shirt quickly before laying down on top of me on the mattress, kissing his way from my collarbone to my nipple. When he got to his destination, he began sucking on it gently, which made me moan softly. He was so wonderful. This was all too wonderful. This whole world was so wonderful. I couldn't believe it. I hadn't felt this amazing in what felt like centuries.
It wasn't long until he broke away to my displeasure, kissing his way too my belly button and making my eyes roll back in my head as I felt hands start to work on my zipper. Before I knew it, his hands were pulling down my jeans, getting rid of the cruel clothing quickly. When he was done, I moved my own hands up to rid him of his own pants, hesitating a little when I saw the bulge. After I pulled them down far enough for him to kick off, I gave him a quick kiss on the lips, wrapping my arms back around his neck where they seemed to fit perfectly.
His hips moved down into my own, making my hate whoever came up with the idea of underwear now more than I ever had in my whole life.
Brendon must have been able to read my mind or something, because just as I thought that, he began tugging down the panties, leaving me completely naked. Before I could try to remove his own boxers, he smirked, moving one of his long fingers down, starting to rub my clit, which made me moan even louder. "Breeeeennnndooon!"
He smiled, pressing a wet kiss to my neck.
"Brendon, Brendon, I n-need you," I murmured, squirming slightly under him.
Moving his finger away, he smiled up at me. I took this opportunity to pull down his boxers hastily. I paused when I had got them down enough to expose the man. I felt a strong sensation in my stomach as my eyes feasted upon the site in front of them. It took my everything to finish the job of pulling down his underwear and moving back up, eyes locked on him the whole time.
He lifted my face up by my chin, smiling at me as my eyes finally met his again. "Hey, my eyes are up here, you know," he pointed out, laughing.
I snorted, rolling my eyes before kissing his cheek. "Enough talk. Get to the job, mister."
He laughed. "Hold on, let me get something first." He rolled off, making me groan angrily. He laughed once more at my groaning, going across the room to get something off one of the dressers. When he came back, he crawled back on top of my, tearing the package open with his mouth but putting the condom on himself. After he did so, he stuck one finger inside me, just wiggling around to stretch me out a little, since I was already fairly ready, though the finger felt very, very nice. Especially when it met a certain spot, which made me cry out in pleasure. When he was sure everything was good, he slid into me, moving in and out at a very slow and controlled pace, but speeding up with each movement until he finally got to a decent speed, which felt absolutely, positively wonderful
"Oh my fucking God, Brendddooon!" I moaned loudly, my eyes squeezing tightly shut as I wrapped my legs around him.
"Uggghh... Saaaarrraaah," he moaned back, which would have bothered me if I were in some other situation. Right now, I didn't mind too much. He could call me Ricardo for all I cared at this point. As long as I got hear him moan, it was well worth it.
He moved one of his hands down to my hip, holding onto me while he thrusted. The other hand found its way back to where it had been before, rubbing my clit, only harder this time, wanting a strong reaction from me, which he got when I started crying out loudly, shivering under him.
Too much, too much, waaay too much. I couldn't stand it.
I wasn't really able to tell when my climax was coming closer since when it came to being a girl during sex, I was still a virgin. But when it arrived, I knew exactly what was going on, even if it wasn't exactly the same as how I remembered it in my male body. I cried out louder than I had before, probably waking up the whole neighborhood, if not everyone in the state of Nevada.
I kept myself holding on tightly as Brendon finished up himself, moving faster and faster in and out before finally reaching his end. "Sarah! Sarahsarahsarahsarah!" he screeched out as he released, shuddering slightly before he was finished and pulled out, falling onto the bed beside me.
Panting, I looked over at him, grinning slightly. "I love you."
"I love you, too, Sarah."
I couldn't say that last statement didn't haunt me for the rest of the night. I couldn't sleep with those words echoing in my head. I couldn't take this anymore. The charade had to end. I was letting it get too far out of hand.
I snuck out of bed, going off into the bathroom. There had to be some way to switch back. I mean, I couldn't be stuck like this forever, could I? No, I had to go back. I had to be Ryan again, even if I'd lose everything I'd rediscovered, all the things I missed and couldn't live without. How could I really be content with these things when it wasn't me who he loved under it all? I was just too fake.
So, maybe I'd be miserable and lonely when I was myself again. At least Brendon could be happy with the woman he loved. I mean, we could just call that a win and deal with the rest? Even though it was fucking unfair that I had to get the short fucking stick in this case, that wasn't going to change anything.
I knew one thing I could try. Of course, this was really dumb to assume I would find it, but it was worth a shot. I opened the medicine cabinet beside the mirror, looking through the various boxes. Sure enough, in the very back of one of the shelves, looking like it had been there for years was a square black box. Uncle Chadwick's Miracle Sleeping Pills! Always there in the case of insomnia. I opened the box and got out two pills. No more, no less. I paused for a second and looked at the box, reading the small letters under the name. "Get the best sleep you've had in all your life and wake up the person you want to be!" Apparently these pills knew that I wanted to be the person Brendon was fucking. Of course. Stupid Uncle Chadwick. Why couldn't you have just been a fucked up drug?
I snorted, but after I did that I looked up in the mirror at myself and jumped when I saw the other person behind me. "Jesus Christ, Brendon! You nearly gave me a heart attack!"
"What's in your hand?" he asked, ignoring what I had just said.
"Nothing, just, uh... I feel that flu coming up again," I lied, badly.
Brendon stared at me skeptically. "There's no medicine for the flu."
"Well, this is cough medicine."
He grabbed the package from my hand. "These are sleeping pills!" The man stared at me with wide eyes. "Are you have problems sleeping or something? How long have you been taking these? Why didn't you tell me?"
I opened my mouth to reply, but couldn't think of what to say. "I... uh... I was just..."
"Brendon... I... I just started taking them today! I mean, uh, I got them a while back and, er... I just had trouble sleeping tonight."
He grimaced. "You're lying. I can tell."Yeah, well, the truth isn't exactly much better, Brendon
"It's hard to explain. Just let me--"
Brendon opened my hand up and took the two pills in there. "You're not getting these back until I get an explanation, Sarah," he growled, holding the pills and the package behind his back.
"Oh, come on, Brendon!" I whined, but he didn't budge. "Fine, okay, I've had some trouble sleeping for a while and stuff. Just give them back, please?"
"You're still lying," he retorted flatly, looking far from amused. "I can tell."
I pursed my lips together. "You wouldn't understand the full story," I admitted, looking down to not see his reaction.
"You can tell me, Sarah. I'll listen," he murmured softly.
I closed my eyes, taking in a deep breath. "My name isn't Sarah."
"...What the hell are you talking about?"
Opening my eyes, I looked back up at him, seeing his befuddled expression looking back at me. "This... This is Sarah, but I'm not Sarah. I'm... someone else."
"Sarah, are you sure those pills are safe? Have you already taken some?" he asked wearily.
"Stop calling me Sarah!" I screeched, before quieting myself. "I'm... not who I've been telling you, Brendon. I've been lying to you for a few weeks now. The real Sarah... She's, um, somewhere else. Just not here."
Brendon's eyes grew even wider as he realized what was going on. "Ryan wasn't lying... I mean, Sarah wasn't lying... Right? If Sarah's Ryan, then where's Ryan? And who the hell are you? And why the hell am I believing all this? This... this is insane. You're all just trying to drive me mad, aren't you? What the hell did I do wrong that made you and Ryan want to team up and fuck with me? Why couldn't he just leave me alone?" he rambled on, making my heart ache with every single word he said. He really thought I hated him, didn't he? Of course he did.
I paused before grabbing roughly for the pills in his hands. I couldn't stand this anymore. I had to get out. I wasn't able to get the pills from early, but I did get the package after a long struggle. When I had it safely in my hands, I rushed off back into the bedroom, closing the door before he came after me. There wasn't a lock, so I had to just lean against it. Lucky for me, Brendon wasn't strong enough to just be able to push me weight away, so I was able to just lean against the door to keep him back. Not that it wasn't hard for me to keep him away, but it wasn't impossible. Soon enough it wouldn't matter anyways. My hands quickly fumbled with the packaging, trying to get out some pills. I never had an easy time swallowing them dry, but I could force myself to if I tried hard enough.
"Let me in!" Brendon began yelling as he pounded on the door. "Let me in right now!"
I finally got the cap off and just poured out a bunch of pills into my hand instead of just picking out two. I didn't have time for that, so I just grabbed two from my hand that was now filled with the pills.
"I will break down this door if I have to!"
I shoved them into my mouth and forced myself to swallow the little objects, gathering up as much saliva as I could to ensure they got down.
"Please, just open the door."
I stood still, waiting for the pills to kick in. Feeling drowsy all of a sudden, I moved away from the door, not able to lean against it anymore. Brendon was then able to open it and enter the room just as I fell down to the carpeted ground of the bedroom. After I crashed onto the floor, I was just about to drift into the drug-induced sleep when I felt someone lifting me up. I groaned, squeezing my eyes shut and just wanting the sleep.
"Ryan... Wake up. Please. I'm sorry. Ryan, wake up." His voice trailed off as the sleepiness of the pills took me away. "Ryan... I--"
There was nothing else after that.
I was out.
There was a bright light in my face as I woke up. Grimacing, I blinked as I was nearly blinded by the sunlight coming in from my window. My
window. I was in my house again, not Brendon's. I looked down at my body. No breasts. Longer brown hair again. Skinny, long limbs. I pulled the blanket away from my whole body. I knew it was wrong, but I put my hand on my crotch, just making sure. Yep, a dick and balls were there. Sitting up, I got out of bed, looking around my house. There was no one there but me. When I arrived in my bathroom, I looked in the mirror. Ryan Ross looked back at me in all his glory. I stared for what had to be at least twenty minutes. It didn't go away, no matter how many times I blinked or rubbed my eyes. Still Ryan. No one else at all. I opened the cupboard to check for a hint of Uncle Chadwick. There was no black box waiting for me this time. Not even a single stray pill in there, just everything that was there before those stupid pills had to ruin my life. Every drop of faith that was left in me ever getting to see Brendon's face again was drained from me. It was hopeless. All of this was hopeless. I never should have even tried. I would be George Ryan Ross the Third until the day I died, or longer if there's anything after this. I wouldn't be graced the ability to be anyone else ever again.
I sighed, running a hand through my now shoulder length hair. "Fuck," I murmured.
Months went by and no word of what had happened those few weeks. Of course, I did have to undo some things that Sarah had left me. Mostly I could just use the excuse that I was just out of it, even though the guys barely
bought it. It was the best I got, and eventually they just forgot about it. Life goes on, after all. Those pills couldn't fuck me up forever. Well, my life as a whole at least.
It was hard trying to act like Ryan again with Brendon always on my mind. Not just Brendon, but the way he was, the way he felt, kissing me and touching me and holding me... It was worse than the thoughts I had before. A million times worse at least. It was like I was a drug addict or something and every day was a suicide Tuesday. I was forever in a hangover from Brendon, and I wanted to get back to him so much that it physically would hurt me. But I couldn't. I couldn't relapse and fuck myself up more. I'd have to deal with the withdrawal until I finally found a way to get over him.
I jumped up from where I was sitting on the couch, watching daytime television (I never realized how much the shows sucked before. Didn't anyone put any thought to what they put on the TV at this time of day? Jesus Christ.) as my phone began to ring. Opening up the little device, I answered, "Hello?"
"Hey, man!" It was Jon.
"Hey, what's up?" I asked, mustering up some false enthusiasm.
"Awesome stuff. Guess who I ran into last night and am currently hanging out with?"
I began chewing on the inside my lip, not really wanting to know. "Who?"
"The one and only Spencer Smith. We're back together."
"That's... That's great for you guys," I told him, my fake happiness faltering.
"I wouldn't want to try to make you a third wheel or anything, and you can say no if you want, but Spence really wants to see you, man."
Despite the choice he gave me there, I knew I'd have to say yes or else Jon would know something was wrong. "Alright."
"You should stop by in twenty minutes or so. We're just hanging at my place."
Twenty minutes went by surprisingly fast, and I could only wait so long before I knew they would start calling wondering where I was. I ambled out of my house and into my car, wishing it was out of gas. It wasn't, of course. No excuse. I backed out of the driveway and headed in the direction of the place Jon had gotten out here a while back. I went just at the speed limit, not wanting the people behind me to get pissed. I took the longest route I could, but alas, I eventually made it to Jon's home. Slowly, I made my way to the door. Just as I was about to knock, Jon opened it, so I ended up hitting my fist against empty air. "Oh, hey," I mumbled.
"Hey there, come in," Jon greeted, opening the door for me.
I entered, pursing my lips when I saw Spencer inside. "Hey."
"It's good to see you," Spencer offered, trying to make this less weird.
"You, too," I responded, forcing a smile at him. He smiled back slightly.
We walked out onto Jon's back porch, and my bandmate found a way to get some conversations going, although most of it was just him talking to each of us rather than all of us talking together. It still could be worse, though. Eventually, Jon decided to get some snacks and a few beers, so we were left alone.
"Sooo..." I prompted, not knowing what the hell we could discuss.
"Is it odd we just randomly got back together?" Spencer asked, truly sounding curious.
I was thrown off a bit by the question. "Um... I guess not. I always expected you two wouldn't be able to avoid one another forever. You two didn't even end that badly. Jon's been missing his place in your pants for a while, anyways," I confessed, shrugging.
"Oh, really?" Spencer smiled. "I kinda always thought we'd work it out again. I just stayed away for a while since, uh, the situation with you and Bden..."
I didn't say anything. I wasn't going to get within a hundred miles of a conversation like that. Sadly, Spencer was obviously going to drag me into it, whether I liked it or not.
"They broke up, you know."
"Sarah and him," Spencer said. "I thought you should know that. Sarah left a couple months ago, I think. Don't even remember now. Apparently things with her and Brendon were really weird or something. I don't know, Brendon wouldn't go into much detail about any of it. Said I wouldn't, 'understand the full story' or something like that. Told me that Sarah wasn't exactly who he thought she was, either." He shrugged, and after he said that Jon walked in with a back of Tostitos, some salsa, and three beers with our names on them.
"To reuniting!" Jon grinned, holding up his beer before kissing Spencer's cheek.
I downed my beer, something stirring inside my chest as the drink went into me.
I should have got flowers. Or chocolates. Or something cheesy like that that would make this feel less... uncomfortable? No, not uncomfortable. Maybe just less, well, atypical, I suppose. It was quite unusual. Maybe also just slightly uncomfortable. But only slightly. I had to get comfortable with this or I would mess it up completely. This was my only shot. It had only taken me a freaking week to muster up the courage to actually do this, even with all the support/begging from Spencer for me to get off my ass and at least talk to him. It was good to have Spencer around again, or else I wouldn't have even considered anything like this. He was a pretty big part in the plan, anyway. He did come up with it, after all, so he insisted on doing almost everything other than the obvious parts left for me.
The only thing I didn't like about Spencer's plan was waiting between a thorn bush and his fence for a cue. We really could have done this somewhere better, but he insisted
upon using his backyard, of course. Apparently it was the only place he could bring Brendon without him getting suspicious. I disagreed greatly, but when he asked me for other suggestions, I came up short. So I was stuck in the bush.
"Couldn't at least let me hide under the deck," I grumbled to myself. I'd much rather be cramped under a deck than getting pricked every time I moved.
"Shut up," Spencer hissed in my direction. "He's gonna be here any second now."
Folding my arms and getting a few thorns in my shirt sleeves, I leaned back against the fence. Sure enough, a few seconds later I could see another person entering the yard from between the branches.
"Hey, Spence," Brendon greeted the other, smiling and looking around. His eyes passed over my bush for a second, which made me exceedingly nervous that he had seen me, but his moved away as if I weren't there. Spencer really did pick a decent spot, even if I would be covered in cuts when I got out.
"Hey, how are you doing? Here, have a seat," Spencer replied, motioning towards a few of the lawn chairs he had set out that were close enough so that I could see what was going on. "I just got bored and everything, so I thought we could hang out. You don't spend enough time out of your house nowadays, you know."
Brendon snorted. "I'm fine. And I spend enough time out of the house, mind you. You're just pissed because I didn't really want to go visit Jon just yet."
"I don't see why you don't. He's still the same guy, you know. Trying to avoid one another forever isn't going to do us any good," the drummer reminded him.
The oddest expression passed over Brendon's face. "I know."
After that, there was a short pause before Brendon started bringing up random topics to avoid the subject they were just at. I had to admit, I was getting really bored having to just sit there and listen to their small talk. Hopefully Spencer wouldn't forget the man in his bush and would get going with the plan. Frustrated, I began shaking some of the leaves to get Spencer's attention. Instead, Brendon looked over.
"Eh, Spencer, I think there's something in your bush," he told the other, staring at me. I immediately stopped and crouched down. He couldn't have seen me, right? No, of course not.
Spencer immediately stood up. "I'll see what it is." My friend made his way towards the thorn bush I was hiding in. When he was close enough, he hissed in a whisper, "What the hell do you think you're doing?"
I stood back up. "What do I
think I'm doing? What are you doing?! Get on with the plan before I die from starvation out here!"
Spencer rolled his eyes. "Fine, but be good. No more bush rustling."
"Spencer?" Brendon called out. "Are you talking to your bush?"
"Of course not!" Spencer answered, turning away from me and back towards Brendon. "It was just a squirrel. A huge one, too. The little jerk tried to bite me, though. I just scared him off."
The other nodded. "Alright then."
Spencer quickly glanced over at me before looking back at the singer. "Hey, Brendon, can I ask you something?"
"Why don't you ever try talking to Ryan anymore?"
Wait, wait, what? That was not in the plan. Spencer was supposed to slyly bring me up, not just throw me into the conversation like that! We had already come up with several different ways to try and bring me up. This was totally throwing off the plan! Spencer would bring me up, try to convince Brendon it was a good idea to ever talk to me again while still being blunt about it, make up some excuse to go back into the house, than have me return in his spot! Yeah, it wasn't the greatest plan, but it was better than nothing and he was ruining it. We needed to stay away from being frank about anything. This was probably just going to make Brendon leave.
Brendon frowned. "It's complicated. I can't."
"Why not? I know you miss him. It's so obvious, you know. I'm not saying you have to start fucking the guy again, just give him a phone call or something. I'm sure we could fix it up so you two both can chat a bit at Jon's house or something," Spencer explained.
"I don't think he wants to see me."
Spencer crossed his arms. "Oh, don't give me any of that bullshit. I know he does."
"Have you been talking to him?"
"As a matter of fact, I have. Ryan, get out of the goddamn bush now. I'm tired of pretending you're not here," the bearded man snapped, his notorious "bitchface" starting to appear.
I didn't move. What the fucking hell was he doing?
Spencer sighed. "I have to do everything
, don't I?" he muttered to himself, standing up and advancing towards me. Brendon just stared in shock as I was pulled out of the bush by my left arm, little thorns latching on to every inch of me as I was pulled. He dragged me all the way over to where Brendon was, then let go for a second. In that second, I almost ran off, but he grabbed my arm again, sighing. "I need a leash for you, don't I? Whatever, Brendon, I got you a present. Now, I am going to get something to drink, and I expect you two to be deep in a conversation by the time I get back. Ryan, if you try to run off I swear to God I will hunt you down. Same goes for you, Urie, but I doubt you'll be as jittery as this skinny fucker." Without another word, he turned around and stalked off to the house.
After Spencer was gone, Brendon looked at me before looking down at the grass, his hands behind his back. "So, I guess you're okay then..."
I cocked my head at that. "Why wouldn't I be okay?"
"Well, you kind of scared me with the whole body changing shit and then taking a shitload of pills to change back, which was also followed by no contact whatsoever," he answered, a bitter edge to his voice.
"I only took two."
Brendon looked back up at me. "What? But there were pills everywhere when I got in the room. I was shocked Sarah was okay, but then I thought it might have... well... crossed over to you somehow."
I shrugged. "It was nothing. I was just little messy."
"You didn't have to be messy, you know. You didn't have to leave so abruptly without giving me any explanation at all. You didn't have to just disappear from me, again." The bitterness was back in his voice.
"Shouldn't you be more angry about the whole I was pretending to be your girlfriend thing?" I asked.
"Maybe. Probably. I don't know. I don't care. You scared me. I was worried. Let me complain about one thing at a time, alright?"
I smiled slightly. "Alright, I'll let you."
"Thanks," Brendon replied, smiling back at me. "Now, can you tell me how you ended up in Sarah's body? I still don't understand it at all. Sarah didn't make much sense when she was freaking out about being you for a while."
"Well," I began, "I don't understand all of it myself, but, well... I had issues sleeping because of some stuff. I went to look to see if I had anything to help me sleep, and those pills just showed up. I knew I shouldn't have taken them, but I really wanted to get some sleep so I did. Then I ended up as Sarah."
"But why did it change you to her?" Brendon asked. "I don't get it."
I tried to keep myself from blushing as my eyes went away from his. "It's kind of... embarrassing."
"Spit it out."
I sighed. "Fine." After a pause, I looked back up at him. "I don't know if this is totally true or not, but the box said something about turning you into the person you wanted to be or something. I guess subconsciously I wanted to be her," I mumbled.
"But you didn't even know Sarah. How could you want to be her?"
I shrugged. "I guess maybe I sort of kind of wanted to..."
"To what?" he asked when I trailed off.
Biting my lip, I looked back up at him. He seemed closer all of a sudden, but not close enough. I took a step towards him slowly and carefully. Then another. And another. Soon enough I couldn't take another step without stepping on his feet.
To reply, I simply just rested my hand on his cheek and leaned in for a kiss. I felt my nerves eating my inside, but I wasn't even controlling myself at this point. It was all instinct. I needed him, whether he needed me back or not. Apparently he needed me back because I felt his lips moving with my own. "This is what I wanted," I whispered when the kiss finally ended.
About twenty feet away, I heard Spencer clapping, probably sarcastically. I gave him the finger as I pressed my lips back to Brendon's.
"I'm calling Jon. He's going to be psyched," Spencer said, mostly to himself before going back into his office.
Eventually, the second kiss ended, but when it did Brendon simply just wrapped his arms around my waist and hugged my close, his head nuzzling into my neck. "I missed you, Ryan. Sooooo much. You wouldn't even believe."
"I think I can guess how much," I assured him, grinning more. Thank God for Uncle Chadwick.
My breath was knocked out of my as I was pinned down onto the mattress roughly. I hadn't been expecting the suddenness of Brendon's action, but really, did I mind? Hell no. Brendon smirked before pulling off my shirt. He was already shirtless, so there wasn't a need to pull on his, not that he gave me a chance to try to do anything like that. As soon as my t-shirt was gone from my body, Brendon leaned down to start a trail of messy kisses from my forehead all the way down to my stomach, making sure to make stops at my mouth, neck, and collarbones for a few long seconds. After he got to my belly button, he went back up to my neck to draw a few lines with his tongue. He got tired of the lines quickly and began actually drawing little designs into the skin with the tip of his tongue. I would have tried to pay attention to what he was drawing, but the feeling was too distracting. Besides, it probably wasn't even actual real shapes or anything. As if this wasn't enough, his hands made their way down from my chest to my stomach then to my crotch. When they reached their destination, he began stroking my through the denim. I moved my hips up into his hands, groaning from the pain the jeans were bringing me. Why did I even bother to ever wear these fucking pants around Brendon anyways? Ugh, all they really did was cause problems in situations such as this one. They were just fucking restraints.
"B-Brendon, I need you," I whimpered, moving my hips more with desperation. I grabbed at his hair and pulled on the strands, not able to control my hands. He didn't seem to mind too much. Well, he did bite my neck when he was trying to just lick it, but that didn't feel too bad, so it was all good.
"How much do you need me?" he asked in a whisper, his breath tickling the skin of my wet neck.
I groaned more. "If I don't get you soon, I'm going to probably break into a million pieces. I can't stand it. I w-want you. Now."
Brendon rubbed harder on the denim. "How will this benefit me, though?"
"I-I'll let you do w-whatever you want with m-me. I'll do whatever you want later. J-just please, Brendon. I n-need this. I really, really really
need it," I begged.
"Alright, I guess I'll help you with your problem," Brendon sighed. He stopped moving his hand, which almost hurt worse than when he was doing it, and started working on unbuttoning and unzipping my pants. He took his sweet time doing it, which felt like pure torture. Well, he was a torturer. He enjoyed causing me pain way too much. When he had removed my pants and underwear, he got off me to pull off his own, tugging everything off until he was completely naked. After kicking his pants off his ankles, he pounced back on top of my roughly, chewing on my bottom lip before getting back to the matter at hand. He shoved his fingers in my mouth, assuming I knew what to do. I began sucking hard on the fingers, coating them in my saliva. When they were wet enough, Brendon slipped them out. I spread my legs for him, to which he smiled up at me before shoving his fingers hard inside of me. I jumped slightly, pulling harder on his hair. Pulling on his hair only made his fingers work harder. He didn't even slip one in at a time, just first two at once and then when he could, three. He was rushing a little, but I liked it. I wanted to start now
But Brendon had other plans. He pulled out his fingers, but also pulled his head out of my hold. He began kissing my chest again, but only for a second before going lower, his tongue running down my front as he made his way down. He kept his tongue on my skin until he got right above my length, then he pulled it off. Ugh, he was such a tease.
He got down off the bed, kneeling beside it and pulling me closer to the end of the bed so my entrance was right in his face. I didn't understand what was going on until he slipped his tongue inside me, finishing the job of stretching me out that his fingers had started. I shiver ran up my spine with every movement of his tongue, and I began biting back screams as he whirled his tongue around within me.
"Bre-Brendon! F-fuck!" I screeched, my fingers clutching at the sheets of the bed to try to stay still.
When his tongue could comfortably slip in and out of me, he pulled it out. Before getting up, he ran his tongue under my cock, making my let out a loud moan. Next, he moved back on top of me, dragging me up to where I was laying fully on the bed before. After that, he positioned himself and thrusted in, hard and deep, not trying the controlled tempo he had had before when I was Sarah. He knew what I could take in this body.
I squeezed my eyes shut and wrapped my legs around his waist after the first few movements in and out. To make it even worse (and by worse I really meant amazing), one of his hands found its way to my length, starting to stroke it lightly. The stroking lasted only a few seconds before his hand moved to my tip and began pumping.
"Brendoooon!" I moaned, sounding like a cheap whore.
He smirked at his name, and I got a great idea how to make this even better, even if it was a bit selfish.
"Y-Yes?" he asked in a breathy voice, still thrusting during the short question.
"Say my name. Please," I begged.
"Ryan," he murmured before kissing me softly. "Ryan, Ryan, Ryan. Ryan Ross. George Ryan Ross."
Despite hating my full name, I loved it when it was coming off Brendon's lips, so I didn't protest against him using my first name.
"Ryaaan," he moaned quietly, not dropping it just yet. "Ryaaaaan."
Alright. That was it. That was enough to fill me to the brim with joy, and other emotions. I couldn't stand it any longer. "Br-Brendon, I think I'm g-gonna... F-Fuck!"
I released onto Brendon's hand, which he didn't seem to care to much about as he finished himself up inside of my. It took him a little bit longer to reach his climax, but when he did he let out a loud cry as he came inside me before collapsing on top of me.
It took him a couple seconds to muster up enough strength to even pull out. I chuckled softly at how tired he was now. Not that I wasn't worn out, but he still looked... well, cute when he was panting on my chest. "Brendon?"
He looked up at me. "Mhmm?"
"I love you."
"I love you, too, Ryan."